Alive is what I want to be,
Living to the fullest is what I dream,
Free from sufferings is the way I see,
And when I find that way,
I give my life a second chance,
To live again,
To dream again.
Finally back from the 10-day course of Vipassana. It was a wonderful experience and a memorable one. I went their as a meditator but by evening I was requested to serve as their was no server for the females. The work of a server is to see that the meditators have no problem so that they remain focused with their meditation. Though I did not meditate with that intensity like fellow meditators but throughout these 10-days I gained some invaluable things that I could not have got as a meditator. When one go for a 10-day course of Vipassana, they do Vipassana under the guidance of a teacher. So I served under a teacher who guided me in serving as well as in Vipassana. I wanted to say thank you to him and tell him that he really gave me some priceless gems but like old shruti, I could not. I don’t know how much time will it take for this old shruti to pass away. But from the heart I am indebted to my teacher.
I have done only one course of Vipassana and in the rest two I served. Though as per rule a person who has done two 10-day course can serve 😉 .
When I left Jammu, I wanted to go there as a meditator as I thought that by doing intense meditation all my fears, all the things that affect me will end. And when the course manager requested me to serve, at first I refused as I thought that if I will serve then I wouldn’t be able to do intense meditation, then how I’m going to end my fear. Also it might be my last time due my job. Later I found out that a Spanish women accepted to serve. She had done one or two course five years ago and she had never served before and she did not even continued the practice. When I asked her that how she said yes to serving, she shook her head and said that no one was willing so I had to take it. I thought to myself why be selfish and I relieved her from a heavy burden. I decided to serve. On the first day, I was laughing at my state. I came to get out of the worries of future and now I was serving so no intense Vipassana for me and no coming out of fear. But later in the night when servers and teachers discuss about the events of the day, I realised how lucky I was that I took serving. The things I learned from my teacher in these 10-days helped me in fighting my fear and also refined my Vipassana.
When I left Jammu, I was filled with the fear. Fear of the uncertainity, fear of strangers, fear of all the bad things, fear of the future. But now when I am back, that fearful old me is weak now. It’s not just Vipassana that weakened my fear, it is the understanding attached the technique that do wonders. So if someone wants to try Vipassana then make sure that you understand it properly so that you can practice it properly. One thing I noticed in this tour of mine that shocked me was a person who started doing Vipassana in 1990 when I was not even born. He was among those people who have been doing Vipassana for a very long time but still there is no change in them. It is so because they did not understand the technique properly and that really makes me want to understand it more clearly so that after 10-20 years I do not have to hear my teacher saying that I am doing it wrong or my family or friends saying that I am that same old shruti. So keep in mind that before you start practicing Vipassana understand it properly and then do it. You will then meet the new you soon.
Stay happy 🙂